As good as turning 51 years of age can be, I had a great birthday. Jackie brought balloons to my office, my biggest work crises was an internet outage that gave me an excuse to work from home on a beautiful day, and I was treated to a carnivore’s dream dinner at the Angus Barn. I had just completed a Flintstone portion of Prime Rib, potatoes, bread (and a salad, to keep it healthy) and was working on the birthday cake when Jackie handed me an envelope and said, “Happy Birthday!”.
I eagerly opened the envelope and was in wide-eyed wonderment as I realized I was now the proud owner of a gym membership. The on-going joke in my family, is that I’m going to get in shape and drop a few pounds… tomorrow. To be fair, I attempted to do exercise to a Jillian Michaels DVD and literally developed a hernia. I was out of commission for months. Coincidence…?
I was super impressed and very excited to have the opportunity to join a legit gym. My beach vacation was looming near, and it occurred to me that perhaps my love handles and man cleavage needed immediate attention, prior to putting on my new swim trunks.
We left the restaurant and headed over to my new gym to check the place out. As fate would have it, a class was just letting out and a crowd of kids the age of well…my kids came out. I immediately sucked my gut in and threw my shoulders back and attempted my best “I’m super fit too” posture. My innerself told me they were all thinking, “who’s the old guy with the hot wife?. A very friendly lady met us at the door and quickly surmised that I was a new member and wanted a tour. The place is amazing and the locker room looks like a spa. I was feeling very good about myself and thinking of my future six-pack abs when we walked into a room that looked like something out of a Medieval torture chamber with harnesses and straps hanging from the ceiling… I’m told this is where TRX suspension training happens (gulp).
We went back to the front desk and the kind lady asked if she could sign me up for a class. A flurry of thoughts and emotions rushed through my brain and I thought that maybe by Monday I would have my courage up. Jackie interrupted my thoughts and suggested that I sign up for the next day. I’m sure the first, but certainly not the last, beads of sweat popped up on my forehead as I mustered the intestinal fortitude to tell her to sign me up for TRX for Thursday evening!
This morning I got up and enthusiastically went to the closet and dusted off a gym bag to pack. Jackie had purchased me a couple of new gym “outfits” to choose from. Now a new anxiety came over me – should I go to the gym on night 1 and be all matchy matchy in my Under Armour gear, or should I look like I’ve been to a gym before and grab some ratty t-shirt and vintage American Eagle gym shorts circa 1990. I stuck to the plan and went with the coordinating outfit, though I’m worried I’ll be judged for it.
So, tonight I’m off to the gym for TRX Bootcamp and tomorrow morning at 6:00 AM I’m back for Hot Energy Flow Yoga. If all goes well I will become “that guy” on Facebook that routinely posts from the gym, telling you what body part I’m working on at the moment. If it doesn’t go well… then it’s back to a DVD of Jillian Michaels – she never judged me.
phillipamory 